Lindsay Lohan Ribs Anthony Weiner, Justin Bieber While Hosting Chelsea Lately

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She may have been the target of tabloid ink, but that doesn’t mean Lindsay Lohan doesn’t know how to poke fun at her headline-grabbing shenanigans as well.

Proving herself to be the ultimate sport, the 27-year-old starlet jumped into her first post-rehab gig by guest-hosting Chelsea Lately Monday night, where she was more than game to send up her trouble-prone image while subbing for Chelsea Handler.

WATCH: Get a first look at Lindsay Lohan’s sit-down with Oprah Winfrey

“Chelsea’s not here, but I did see someone who looked like her moving into my old room at Cliffside,” the actress playfully cracked, referring to the rehab facility she left on July 30 after completing a court-ordered 90-day program.

After striking a quick note of honesty and candor—”It was really great and wonderful,” Lohan said of her time at Cliffside—the actress was ready to bring on the laughs, and she certainly had loads of that ready.

“So I’ve been through a lot lately, and I’ve got a lot of people to thank for that, most notably the celebrities who kept the tabloid industry alive in my absence,” she explained.

WATCH: Lindsay Lohan jokes about Harry Styles’ sex life, bisexual rumors

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“Like Anthony Weiner,” she added, as a Weiner stand-in walked on set, sans pants. “I want to thank Anthony for being a such d–k with an unlimited texting plan.”

She also went on to thank a Kanye West look-alike, complete with Baby Bjorn, before calling in a tabloid-fodder MVP.

“I wanna thank Justin Bieber for being where you shouldn’t, spitting where you shouldn’t and wearing your pants where you shouldn’t.”

PHOTOS: Remember when? A look back on Lindsay Lohan’s life

Even British royalty didn’t get off the hook so easily.

“But most of all, I would like to thank the one person who’s captured the worldwide attention of all of the tabloids: the royal baby,” Lohan quipped before Chuy Bravo strolled out dressed in a onesie and wearing a crown.

The actress, however, saved her last and biggest zinger for the on-hiatus host.

“I’m back, I’m happy, I’m healthy, and sorry paparazzi but if you want to take pictures of someone who’s really f—ked up, you’re just gonna have to wait until Chelsea’s back.”

With a winning guest-spot like LiLo’s, we’re guessing that Chelsea is pretty psyched that Lohan held down the fort very nicely.

Be sure to tune in to Chelsea Lately weeknights at 11 p.m. on E!

PHOTOS: Lindsay Lohan’s best fashion moments

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Prince William leaves baby George and Kate to return to RAF job

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The proud new dad, 31, must tear himself away from his two-week-old son to go back to his  search and rescue job.

Prince William will have to leave dad duties for a while
Prince William will have to leave dad duties for a while
Getty Images

Prince William returns to work this week after his two-week RAF paternity leave ends today.

The proud new dad, 31, must tear himself away from two-week-old Prince George to go back to his RAF search and rescue job.

George will stay with mum Kate, 31, at the home of her parents Michael and Carole Middleton in Bucklebury, Berks.

But the family will not be apart for long as William plans to quit his role at RAF Valley on Anglesey next month.

An announcement is expected soon about what the Duke of Cambridge’s military role will be when he and his young family move into their new home at Apartment 1A in Kensington Palace.

William, who received statutory paternity pay of £137 a week while he was on leave, is likely to rejoin the Household Calvary Blues and Royals Regiment at its Windsor or Knightsbridge barracks.

Possible new jobs for him include squadron leader or adjutant, which will give him more regular office hours than his pilot job, allowing him to take on more royal duties and be a hands-on dad.

A royal source said yesterday: “Like any new dad, William is finding it difficult to imagine going back to work and leaving the new baby at home.

“However, he has known all along that he is entitled to the same as every other father, which is just two weeks’ leave.”

When William has a break in shifts he is expected to fly to the Middletons’ £4.7million mansion using private helicopters to cut the journey time from North Wales so he can make the most of every precious moment.

Kate’s mum Carole has designed a nursery at the house. The newborn future king may be taken to Anglesey for a brief visit later in the month, as William promised his RAF colleagues he would introduce his son to them before he moves off the island.

Little George may also accompany William and Kate to the wedding of their close pals James Meade, 30, and Lady Laura Marsham, 29, in Gayton, West Norfolk next month.

At a charity polo match in Ascot, Berks on Saturday, William said becoming a dad had been a “game changer”.

Making his first public appearance since leaving hospital with his new son, he said it was “good to get out of the house” for the afternoon – but added: “I’ve got to make sure I’m not late back.”

William scored the winning goal as he played alongside brother Harry on a four-man team – but said he had been distracted “thinking about nappies”.

Harry, 28, was back for day two of the Audi Polo Challenge yesterday but there was no sign of the doting new dad.

Wills took most of July off work, using annual leave ahead of the birth so he could stay with Kate in the run-up to their son’s arrival on July 22 at St Mary’s hospital in Paddington, Central London.

 

Rihanna gets half-naked on the streets of Barbados for Carnival

Imagehe tweeted that she woke up covered in paint and in a veil from partying all night – well, she wasn’t going to stay in and watch TV, was she?

A night out with Rihanna would be SO GOOD (we'd probably pass out halfway through)
A night out with Rihanna would be SO GOOD (we’d probably pass out halfway through)

Only Rihanna could fly to another country just for a big night out – and yesterday, she did just that, because she flew from LA to Barbados just for their version of Carnival and stayed out until 6am. Oh, Rihanna.

The singer tweeted: “Woke up in paint and a veil from partying in de street all morning!!! #Barbados #FOREDAYmorning CROP OVA almost here!”

The Carnival is to celebrate the country’s harvest of the sugar crops, but looking at the pictures, it’s a good chance for Rihanna to take all her clothes off, grind on other girls and drink loads. We think it looks AMAZING.

Rihanna
Just a casual night out for Rihanna then
Splash News

Rihanna also rode about on her bodyguard’s back, but we’d imagine that’s all part of the job description. “Take care of her, keep fans away, act like a donkey, hold her bag when she dances.” Y’know, just normal stuff.

The Foreday Morning Jam party started at midnight and ended at 6am in Bridgetown, which is where Rihanna grew up until she was discovered by Jay Z aged 16.

Riri took best mate Melissa Forde with her, but afterwards (possibly on a private plane back to the US) she tweeted it was back to work. SAD.

Rihanna
You wouldn’t catch Beyonce doing that, would you?
Splash News

“And on that note, glam starts NOW!!! New cover shoot today! I got a hustler spirit” she wrote on Twitter. So, no more bikinis, no more paint, no more plastic glasses? Oh Rihanna, we’re sad.

We love that on Friday, Rihanna was shopping in LA, but by the next day she was partying at home with her mates she grew up with.

 

Of course, everyone in Bridgetown was really excited to see her – and Twitter went a bit mental because an actual A-Lister was just walking around in the crowds like it was normal.

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Rihanna getting ready – maybe at her mum’s house?
Twitter

“Saw Rihanna on the ground at foreday getting Jam down Yu go Riri!” posted one partier, while others couldn’t stop spotting her: “Rihanna was on the road with us”, “Saw Rihanna today!” and “Rihanna Having A Great Time At Foreday Morning… Getting A Quick Lift Along The Way 😉 Enjoy Yourself RiRi!” were some of the excited posts. Other fans uploaded pictures of her dancing in the crowds, and one person called it: “the highlight of crop over so far!” One lucky man Tweeted the story his mate will be telling down the pub every day for a month: “Trav  is super stoked he got to dance with @rihanna at foreday morning!”

Rihanna
Flat shoes = essential
Twitter

Er, can we come out with you please Rihanna? We promise not to moan when people spill beer in our hair like we do at the Notting Hill Carnival … (well, we can’t promise anything really)

 

The celebrity guide to clangers with Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Helen Flanagan and more

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It’s a little-known fact that celebrities often get involved in charity work – although none like to talk about it, obviously.

But did you also know many philanthropic stars refuse to draw the line there? As well as aiding good causes, they live their entire lives selflessly, providing an excellent example and inspiring everyone they meet.

Take Miley Cyrus, who thanked Blackpool for its hospitality by branding it a “zombieland” and the weirdest place she had visited. Charming.

Here are a few other celebs who have saved you the embarrassment of making these mistakes – by bravely making them for you!

 

Pamela Smith: Fined For Bogus Michael Jordan Baby Daddy Claim!

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Pamela Smith, Michael Jordan’s alleged baby mama, is not actually his baby mama – and a judge has ruled that she will now pay for the false accusations.

Pamela Smith, Michael Jordan

Pamela Smith filed a paternity suit against MJ, claiming he fathered her 17-year-old son Taj and demanding a DNA test, full custody and child support.

Jordan did have a fling with Smith while he was married to his first wife Juanita, but denied paternity and asked a judge to fine her for wasting his time.

His Airness’ wish was granted.

After the court found that Taj’s paternity was established way back in 2003 – and Jordan is not the father – the judge slammed Pamela over the stunt.

The judge called her bogus paternity claim one big publicity stunt, pointing out she hired a publicist before even getting a lawyer and smearing MJ.

The judge fined her an undisclosed amount and ordered her to pay Jordan’s legal bills ($9,704.13). Not bad … well unless he decides to sue her now.

Jordan, who married Yvette Prieto earlier this year, was even the subject of YouTube call-outs by Taj (below), who insisted the NBA great is his dad:

Taj Jordan (Michael Jordan Secret Son) Video

Taj Jordan (Michael Jordan Secret Son) Video

 

Justin Bieber, Entourage: Involved in Bloody Hamptons Brawl?

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Justin Bieber may be in trouble with the law once again.

According to The New York Daily News, the singer and his team were partying late Saturday night at Southe Pointe nightclub in Southhampton.

Multiple witnesses tell the newspaper that Justin’s bodyguards were especially “intimidating” and “overbearing,” shining flashlights into the faces of anyone that tried to take photos of the star.

Dancing Justin Bieber

After a male patron and Bieber exchanged a few fiery words, the artist “ripped his shirt off and went nuts,” an insider says, emphasizing that the resulting shot of Justin Bieber shirtless was anything but calm and relaxed.

“He was screaming,” adds the onlooker.

Bieber was then taken from the club and into the parking lot, but the argument ignited a physical altercation with one witness claiming he saw blood.

It’s unclear, exactly, what role Justin played in the fight or if he was even involved once things turned truly ugly.

But this is just another black mark on what’s turning into an unfortunately dark record for The Biebs.

Late last month, drug paraphernalia was found on his tour bus and just a couple days ago he received some flak for sticking an iPhone in his pants and talking down to concert goers.

 

Nina Dobrev in Cosmo: What’s Her Type?

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Nina Dobrev is a single woman.

To the consternation of man, she split with Ian Somerhalder earlier this year.

So, what type of man is this Vampire Diaries beauty now looking for?

  • Nina Dobrev Cosmo Cover
  • Nina Dobrev Cosmopolitan Pic

“I like it when guys hold the door open and are sweet and thoughtful,” she tells the new issue of Cosmopolitan. “The guys on our show are really good at that. A man in a suit looking put together and dapper is very attractive, but I also kind of like the I-just-rolled-out-of-bed, a-little-bit-of-scruff, effortless, not-trying-hard-but-still-sexy guy.

“If a guy spends more time looking in the mirror than I do, that’s problem!”

With The Vampire Diaries Season 5 set to premiere on October 10, Dobrev also touched on her friendship with Julianne Hough.

“It’s been cool to find an active buddy – there are lots of girlie girls around. We don’t talk about makeup; we talk about life.”

And for those seeking to take Dobrev home after an evening at the bar? Think again, fellas.

“A lot of what attracts me is a guy’s mind and humor and talent,” she said. “I need to get to know all those things before I fall for someone. I’m not a one-night-stand kind of girl. I’m a relationship girl.”